Being a birth mom is part of my story - not my whole identity

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If you ask me about myself; I will tell you I am a wife, and a mama to 4 kiddos, I will say that I love Jesus and journaling, and making reclaimed wood art.

At some point, I will probably mention my affinity for Dunkin Donuts and Harry Potter; and most likely I will tell you that I'm a birth mom, too. These are a few parts within the story of who I am.   

Being a birth mom is a very significant role in my life, but it is not all there is to me. My life didn't start the day I chose adoption for my son, and it didn't end the day he was placed in his parents' arms and went home with them.  Although, it did take me a little time to realize that truth for myself, and to move on to the next chapter in my life. 

Once he was born, and my daily life wasn't consumed with his well being and adoption; I wondered, "what now?" It's not always easy for birth moms to move forward after placing. She's invested almost a year of her life into putting her child first, preparing her heart to let go, and then one day it's just her again. 

Here's the thing that took me a while to realize; moving on with life after placing doesn't mean you have to forget that part of your story. I sort of lost my way for a little while as I struggled with the range of emotions that many birth moms experience after placing. Social media wasn't even the norm...it wasn't even a thing when I placed my child for adoption.  But today, there are some incredible groups that support birth moms.

Finding support and talking through those emotions can be the most healing thing a birth mom can do.

It was important for me to find myself in other things, to remind myself that I was more than just a birth mom.  And that it was ok to let go without forgetting, without feeling guilty or ashamed. 

When I wondered, "what now?" I realized I was the only one who could answer that. I focused on what kind of person I wanted to be, what kind of relationships and people I wanted to surround myself with, what passions I had prior to my pregnancy & placing, and what new passions I wanted to pursue.

Pouring myself into healthy relationships and hobbies that made me happy ultimately helped me to see my decision to place my child for adoption as one more beautiful and brave part of my life.

Being a birth mom is not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about, you don't have to hide it to move forward.  I would urge you, if you are a birth mom, to find support, whether through a place like BraveLove, or a support group full of other birth moms; and talk through your emotions in a place that is safe and supportive. It took me 12 years to discover there were other birth moms living their choice out loud, and that it is truly a sisterhood full of brave, loving, incredible women. If you aren't ready to talk, write. Write it all out, every emotion, every doubt, every happiness; in a journal, on a blog, on a forum. 

Find your passion. Find out what makes you happy doing. For me, one of my biggest passions is creating artwork, I love to draw and paint. My favorite things to create right now are reclaimed wood signs. 

Focus on yourself and getting back to you. Take up a new hobby that makes you feel good, and don't be afraid to go all in with it. Remember the things you always wanted to do and be, and go for it! It can be so rewarding and enjoyable to pursue new passions.  

Placing your child for adoption is not a turn in the wrong direction. It doesn't have to take your life down a whole new path. It is a part of your journey, a stop along the route, and something beautiful that you will always carry with you. You can keep moving forward, onward to the next chapter. You can be a world traveler, a chef, an artist, a donut enthusiast, or a Harry Potter nerd; and a birth mom, too.  

Be brave enough to do the next thing.

This article was written by Kaedra. Meet Kaedra here!  


  > If you are a birth mom, we want to hear from you! If you're interested in contributing to the Being a Birth Mom column check out the editorial guide here or send us an e-mail!

 


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