When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend and I considered marriage, raising the child together, but through the support and counsel of family and friends, came to the conclusion we should not get married just because I had gotten pregnant. Such a sacred, covenantal relationship should be Plan A, not Plan B. With marriage out of the picture, my boyfriend and I really had to search our hearts for what we thought was going to be best for our son. I wanted to raise my son. Of course, I wanted to raise my son. To see him take his first steps, learn his first words, watch him grow into the man the Lord created him to be. I didn’t really care about the personal sacrifice it would take to be a single mom. I was willing to make it - a hundred times over. But the truth is that I also wanted something else.
My boyfriend and I had both grown up in less than perfect homes. Neither of knew what it was to have a stable home, to have a present mother and father and to have consistency in our life. Though we lacked these things personally, we knew we wanted these things for our son. And we knew that even in our efforts together, unmarried, we would not be able to give our son these things. So we began the road to adoption.
I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant. This is 5 years older than the average age of a birthmother which is estimated to be around 18 years of age. I was well educated, and with the help of family money, was well supported financially. I had the money. I had good education. And truth be told, I wanted to raise my son. But I wanted to give my son something more than money and me. I wanted to give him a family. A stable, consistent and loving environment.
I have come to see adoption as a very beautiful picture of the kingdom. In my heart of hearts, I believe my son was meant to be with the family I placed him with. How this works with predestination, sin and grace, brokenness, God’s sovereignty, pregnancy out of wedlock, maybe one day the Lord will explain to me when I get to heaven. But until then, please take my word. Adoption is a wonderful gift to give a child and a birthmother. The Lord doesn’t forget anyone in His plan. Scripture speaks of the Lords great love for the fatherless child and the orphan. But I will tell you that He also sees and loves the birthmother, who for a hundred different reasons in a hundred different stories ended up in an unplanned pregnancy.
The adoptive family and myself are currently working out the logistics of a beautiful open adoption arrangement. It’s not perfect - we’re still learning each other. But the story is so much better than I thought it could ever be…