Dear Ezra James,

This is the hardest letter I have ever written.

If you are reading this you are probably in your teens, asking yourself a bunch of questions, the main question being why? No it was not because I didn’t love you enough, no it was not because I didn’t want to keep you. The one reason I chose adoption is because I knew it would give you the best life possible, one I could not provide for you at the time.

I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant, this came as a big shock not only to me but everyone around me. Your father and I had been on the rocks for some time now, and I knew bringing a baby into a situation like that was unstable not only for you but for us as well. I would have been a single mom trying to provide everything I could for you, knowing it would never be good enough. I knew in my heart what was right. It killed me to have to make a decision like that, but it had to be done.

I moved into Gladney at 17 weeks. I think moving to Gladney was the best choice I have ever made. They are so supportive; I have never met a group of people so willing to help me through every situation possible. They made sure I had the best care possible, not only for me but for you as well. I saw the doctor once a month until I was a month from my due date then I started seeing him every week. His nurse was the sweetest person I have ever met; she was very loving and kind. The sonogram person always told me you had a big head. That is what he would tell me every time I had a sonogram. When I went in December for my sonogram, this was the month they told me what I was going to be having, honestly I didn’t really care what I was having I just knew whatever it was, was a gift from god. I was on the phone with my mom (your grandma) when he told me it was a boy. I was very excited!! The sonogram person also told me you were very well endowed, and that it was not hard at all to tell you were a boy. It wasn’t soon after I found out you were a boy that I knew what your name should be, Brayden Michael James, later to be changed to Ezra James by your mom and dad. I made friends that will last me a lifetime, ones I will never forget. Not only were they there to support me in everything I did, but they were going through the same process I was, which made it very easy to talk to them, and find things in common. I will never forget the friends I made during my pregnancy.

I can only hope you can understand that this was the hardest choice I ever had to make. Not only did it break my heart that I couldn’t provide for you what someone else could, but it broke my heart knowing you would grow up calling someone else mommy. My family was very supportive of me every step of the way. Helping me realize that not only was this the best option for you but it was also the best option for me. I hope you know that I love you more than words can say, and that you will always be in my heart. I love you and that’s all that matters.

I love you,

Your Birth Mom...Megan