"My choice was not easy, but it was right, and I had to be brave for her." - Jessica's Story

She’s walking, running, climbing, stumbling, giggling, and talking. Her curiosity has her mom and dad on their toes. Her laughter lights up every and any room. She’s so clumsy, she’s so silly, she’s so happy, she’s so LOVED.

I wrote a year ago about the experience when I chose to place my daughter for adoption. I wrote about the couple I chose, the labor I went through, and the feelings I had going through the whole process. Its been 18 months, 511 days from writing this! 511 days of missing a child I love but could never have. The family I chose, so beautiful together, and backed by such a sweet family.

She’s calling her mommy, she’s calling him daddy, and this might be weird, but IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!

I see her love on her mom, I see her lean on her dad. I see them love her with all their heart. My choice was not easy, but it was right, and I had to be brave for her. I had to put away my pride for her. I couldn’t be selfish, and I knew I had to let her go. Many have told me to treat adoption like a death. I couldn’t think of adoption like that and I don’t encourage anyone to ever think this way. It wasn’t a death, it was a choice to love her enough to realize my own faults.

It was a blessing to a family who had been trying and waiting for years for a child to love. Many people have also told me she would grow up to hate me for my decision. After having her, I was very worried about this but over the past 18 months, I truly don’t see this ever happening because I chose such an awesome family that supports me being in her life. I was also told not to think about her, to stay busy. I hear her name every Sunday in church, I see her face in my children’s faces, and I hear her giggle in videos.

She's my daughter. I can’t just forget her.

I’m working three jobs, in college, and raising two kids. Of course I wish my two kids had a different life, one with me around more, one I could better provide in and in a couple years perhaps things will be a lot better. I can’t say I’m perfect, but this choice was perfect for her.

Adoption isn’t abandoning your child, it's loving them enough to put your pride aside and be brave.

My daughter has a beautiful home, a playful puppy, a protective daddy, and TWO loving moms. I'll never have a place in her heart like her mom does but I’ll always be a part of her. She will always be loved and cared for and that’s all that matters. Its been 18 months. Five hundred and eleven days.

Seeing her happiness and the love for her in that family will forever be my joy in this. 

Have you been impacted by adoption like Jessica? 
If so, we want to hear from you.