I was in second grade when my parents told me I was adopted. There were so many questions that I want answered but knew they never will be. There were times when I will look in a mirror staring at myself wondering what you might look like. The color of your hair, eyes, and skin. The sound of your laugh, the way you smile. Wondered if you thought of me everyday.
When I was younger I thought I was a mistake. That was the only reason you gave me up. I would be in tears thinking that there was something wrong with me. You placed me outside of a building and left me alone to have some people brought me to an orphanage. I would have hard feelings against you and didn’t care about you. All I could think was Why? Why did you leave me? You abandoned me and I felt unwanted. But that was a mistake. It dawned on me that if you had kept me my life would be completely different. I would be in China, speaking a different language, perhaps having a different religion. I wouldn't have the friends I have right now. All my experiences with my friends and family wouldn't have even existed.
I’m 21 now and I still have questions. But most importantly, I want to thank you. It must not have been easy give up your own child but what you have given me was a family that loves me, cares for me, and new opportunity. Even though we are thousands of miles apart, I feel that you are still a part of me. A part that still remains a mystery but you still have a hold on me nonetheless. Who knows, maybe I will go back to China where it all began. Maybe we will eat at the same resturant and make eye contact across the room but will never realize who we are looking at. Or maybe we will just know in our hearts and reunite. I’ve always fantasized about that part.
I hope the weather is nice wherever you are, living life well and maybe even raising some kids of your own. I wish you stay in good health and wish you all the luck in the world. And I just want to tell you, thank you and that I love you.
Your daughter, Yu Xun