It has been just over a week since I gave birth to you and I miss you more than words could ever say. I am your birth mother and I want to tell you a little about our story and how you were placed into the arms of your parents.
A year ago this week your birth father, John, and I met and fell in love. We shared many long conversations over the phone, and then had our first official date on June 20th. He proposed on August 8th and we were married on September 27th. For several reasons, our marriage did not last and we were unable to reconcile our differences. Those reasons will come at another time. This letter is about me and you.
From the time I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic to bring a child into the world, especially directly from the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. You are my second child. You have a half-brother named, Jayden Lucas. I felt incredible joy at the reality of extending my very own family.
Due to the circumstances and events that occurred between your birth father and I, we separated two months after we exchanged vows. Many hopes and dreams were shattered and I realized that we had a tough road ahead of us. There were times that I didn’t know if I could get through another day. But you and your brother Jayden got me through. The Lord was also there guiding me, comforting me and giving me strength. I am so grateful to our Heavenly Father for being there. Many family members and friends were also there showing unconditional love and support. I will always be thankful for them.
The pregnancy went very well and there were no complications as you grew inside the womb. Some of my favorite moments were of you moving and watching my stomach change shape. From seven months on you were positioned head down and your feet were up by my ribs. At nights, usually around ten or eleven o’clock you would wake up and roll from side to side. I could see your butt move and feel your hands and feet flutter on either side. If you didn’t like the side I was sleeping on your hands and feet would move indicating that you needed more room or for me to roll to the other side. I thought it was way cute to be taking orders from you just by a little kick or nudge. You were very active in the womb and I sometimes wondered if you would ever slow down. I also wondered if you were the one who was moving around, why I was the one who was so tired all the time.
There is a song I sang to you while you were in my tummy. It’s a primary song. I changed the words just a little bit to fit you and what I wanted you to know…
“You are like a star shining brightly
Shining for the whole world to see
You can do and say
Happy things each day
For I know Heavenly Father loves you!”
My hope is that when you hear or sing this song you will think of me. When I hear or sing it, I will not only think of you…I will send love out from my heart to yours. My hope is that you will feel it, accept it and share this love with others.
The decision to place you into an adoptive family did not come without struggles. My initial thoughts and feeling were to keep you, but at the same time I didn’t want your birth father to be able to subject you to anything like what he put Jayden and I through. I prayed and prayed to know what God’s will was concerning you. The more I thought about adoptions and the more my faith in the Lord increased, the Spirit confirmed to me that placing you was indeed a part of Heavenly Father’s plan.
Once I knew adoption was the path chosen for us I started on my search for your parents. I prayed as I read through several profiles. A meeting was set up for me to meet Scott and Annalee. As soon as they walked in I gave your mom a great big hug and I knew that this was where you were meant to be. We talked and discussed our situations and how each of us was brought to the choice of adoption. Instantly a bond was created and has continued to grow stronger every day since.
Eli, I have a firm belief that we all met and knew each other in the preexistence. We all accepted certain trials in our lives and this is the miracle that brought us all together. I accepted the privilege to be your birth mother and Scott and Annalee accepted the gift to be your earthly parents.
The Lord’s plan of happiness is wonderful and He knows you, Eli; you have a marvelous place in His plan. You are very special to Him. You are special to me, as well.
Eli, you have a special purpose and mission to complete here on earth and only you can do it. God has sent you here with many strengths and talents to fulfill it. Please stay close to the Lord, learn about Him and choose the right. Your parents will teach you about your brother, Jesus Christ and explain the importance of Him in your life. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t know what those reasons are until much later, but that is also the beauty of personal revelation through the Spirit.
I hope you become a strong, but gentle, man who strives to do the right. I hope that love, honor and respect become a part of who you are. Accept responsibility for the choices you make; learn from them, grow from them.
This will end my first letter to you with many more to come. Please remember I love you very much and that I send my love out to you everyday.
Love, Shannon, Your Birth Mother