Why I Love Open Adoption

Screen_Shot_2016-10-14_at_12.24.54_PM.pngWhen researching adoption before we officially started the process, I fell in love with the idea of having an open adoption.  I would spend hours reading and watching personal stories of what other family’s lives looked like with an open adoption.

While watching videos on YouTube about open adoption, I came across this one video that really caught my attention and illustrated to me what open adoption is about. It showed a birthmother handing over her newborn baby boy to his adoptive parents...

This just made me break down into tears! The image of a beautiful, selfless, and BRAVE woman who loves her son so much that she put his needs before her own stuck with me. I later showed that same video to my husband, and then he too was able to understand the heartache, brokenness, and beauty that comes with open adoption. From that point on, we knew we wanted an open adoption.

I would often think about the fact there is a woman out there making a difficult decision. Maybe she has already decided on placing her child? Does she have support in her decision? Are people constantly asking when she is due? Is she is having a boy or a girl? Are others sharing their personal pregnancy/ birth stories not knowing the heartache she is going through? Unplanned pregnancies are not unloved babies! They are loved and made by Our Creator through their birth mothers. These birth mothers have to go through so many different obstacles and changes in their life including physical discomfort, awkward social interactions, and having to break the news to supportive and unsupportive family members. Then after the birth mothers go through all of that, they have to decide on an adoptive family who desires a child, who has a safe and loving environment and with open arms will welcome a child into their home.

Our open adoption started with a phone conversation.

It started when I said hello and it sounded just like I was talking to myself. The birth mother that we had been matched with had the same exact voice as me. It was awesome — it was like it we were meant to be matched.  After our short phone conversation, we continued constant communication through text messages because that was what we were both more comfortable with. We clicked immediately! We would text for hours at a time about different things like makeup, clothes, shopping, food, and just about everything in life. At times it would feel like the most unnatural and inorganic relationship because of the circumstances that brought us together, but at other times it felt as if we’d known each other for years.  I wanted her to like me for me, I wanted this relationship to last and go on for years. Sometimes I would feel insecure and fearful that things would change and that she would change her mind about the adoption plan or that when her baby girl was born she would change and not want to continue having communication. However, thankfully that was not the case.

Baby girl was born, and it was nothing less than the bittersweet day that I expected it to be.  I saw the love she had for her baby girl. I saw tears of joy and sorrow streaming down her face. I saw the hurt in her heart, but I also saw the joy in knowing that her girl would be taken care of by a family she had come to know and trust.

I spent the night with her and baby girl in the hospital. It was a great time for the three of us. The next day was discharge day, and it was hard. It was so hard to see my friend leaving empty-handed. The next night she sent me a text message that said “Hey! How was your first night together?” I cried when I saw that message on my phone. I cried a lot. I felt so honored and so underserving of all of this. I had this beautifully brave birth mother, this gorgeous baby girl, and a wonderful start to an open adoption. It was and still is such a blessing to be a part of open adoption and to be a part of this birth mother’s life.  

Before leaving the hospital, the birth mother’s mom invited us to her home for dinner and we gladly accepted the invitation. A few days later we met at her house for the dinner. It was so wonderful and it truly felt like one big happy family. We talked, laughed, took pictures, and just hung out. Then, we said our goodbyes and my husband and I headed back home.

But just because we left Florida, it didn’t mean that was the end of a beautiful relationship. We still text a lot, I send pictures almost every day, which she says make her day, I ask how she’s doing, how things are going, and just keep good communication with her. We have become great friends. I really love her so much and am forever thankful for her sacrifice that has made us all one big family.

This is why I love open adoption!