Open Letters

Dear Precious Little One,

We haven’t met you yet and have no idea when you will join our family. But we trust God and know that He’ll bring you to us at the perfect time. We can’t wait to welcome you into our family with unconditional love.

I’ve prayed for you, thought of you, and dreamed of you a million times. Waiting is hard on this mommy. I’ve written letters to you in my head so many times, so I thought I should put one on paper in case you ever wonder.

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To My Sweet Etta,

I’ll start off by saying I am proud to be your birth mom. I am proud that I trusted and believed in God’s word and that was adoption. I know in my heart God had me picked out to be the special woman to carry you for 9 months for your Mommy. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what God is doing (and believe me at first this was very hard for me to understand). Though the minute I met your parents, I 100% understood God’s doings.

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Dear BraveLove,

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to work with a birth-mom throughout her labor, subsequent C-section and the two days she spent in the hospital with her sweet baby girl.  This mother was 19; this was her third child.  Her first child had been taken away by CPS.  She was parenting her second child and had just returned from a recovery facility in order to “be a better mother”.  She made an adoption plan for this (3rd) child because she “knew this was the best thing”.  She continually sited that she wanted to do what was right for her unborn child and the child she was currently parenting.  Rarely did she mention her own needs and/or desires.  As we sat in the OR while she had a C-section (I was in there because her family never showed up), I just kept thinking…this is brave. 

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Dear Claudia,

In March of ‘96 you became a part of me. And for 9 months and 1 week, we spent all our time together. I knew this would be the longest time we would have together before I sent you on to your next Journey. I’m pretty sure you don’t remember any of that, but let me just say it was an emotional overload. During that time we actually played in a couple of softball games, moved to Fort Worth, attended a college football game, caught a few musicals and I also got to watch you grow up in pictures. Some people call them sonograms and find them very confusing, but I knew every detail about every black and white sonogram I had. Nowadays, I still get to see you grow up in pictures but they are mostly all in color and on Instagram.

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To The Woman I Will Never Know,

When you looked and needed, and no help came, I had help. When abundant nourishment came easily to my body and soul, it didn’t come to you. Medicine and money and food and everything that makes a birth and a baby and family happen happily, was mine for the plucking. Not you; why not you?

There aren’t enough words to tell why not. I could ‘drain the ocean dry’ trying to pen those words.

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Dear Birth Mom,

We haven’t yet met, but I pray for you and your little one every day. I hope you feel an overwhelming peacefulness as you travel down this path. This Valentine’s Day, I am sending you love. Know that you are not alone—I am thinking of you. You are a kind, self-sacrificing, courageous woman. You are a blessing to your little one and to me. I am grateful for you. I hope you have a wonderful day.

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Dear Ezra James,

This is the hardest letter I have ever written.

If you are reading this you are probably in your teens, asking yourself a bunch of questions, the main question being why? No it was not because I didn’t love you enough, no it was not because I didn’t want to keep you. The one reason I chose adoption is because I knew it would give you the best life possible, one I could not provide for you at the time.

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I want to start off by saying that I can never thank you enough for the gift that you gave me. I have nothing but love and respect for you. It’s because of you that I have such an amazing life. 

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My Dearest Braden,

There are so many things that I want to tell you and even more questions that I long to ask, but finding the right words has been a bit of a challenge for me. So, I’ll start by telling you that not a single day has passed that I have not thought about you and wondered how you are. My love for you is never ending and my prayers for you have never ceased. I believe you were brought into my life because of a greater plan and I can tell you, that I now fully understand why.

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Dear J,

You didn’t give us much notice - just a few hours to get in the car, try not to break the speed limit, and drive to the hospital to meet our baby boy — but WOW did you give us a gift. Now, five months later, we have a roly-poly, feet-obsessed, smiley little baby boy. He is the light of our lives.

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