Open Letters

Dear Claudia,

In March of ‘96 you became a part of me. And for 9 months and 1 week, we spent all our time together. I knew this would be the longest time we would have together before I sent you on to your next Journey. I’m pretty sure you don’t remember any of that, but let me just say it was an emotional overload. During that time we actually played in a couple of softball games, moved to Fort Worth, attended a college football game, caught a few musicals and I also got to watch you grow up in pictures. Some people call them sonograms and find them very confusing, but I knew every detail about every black and white sonogram I had. Nowadays, I still get to see you grow up in pictures but they are mostly all in color and on Instagram.

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To the Strongest Woman I Know,

I was yours for three days in the hospital and then my adoptive parents took me into their arms. You chose my parents to take me because you thought they were wonderful and caring people; I want to tell you that you’re right. They taught me patience and gave me a sense of wonder and love that can only come from a mother that could not keep her baby and a woman that wanted a baby so badly, that she picked me. You are the strongest woman I know and I strive to make you proud daily.

Love Always, Lauren

Dear Birth Mom,

We haven’t yet met, but I pray for you and your little one every day. I hope you feel an overwhelming peacefulness as you travel down this path. This Valentine’s Day, I am sending you love. Know that you are not alone—I am thinking of you. You are a kind, self-sacrificing, courageous woman. You are a blessing to your little one and to me. I am grateful for you. I hope you have a wonderful day.

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Dear Lacey,

You’ve been on my heart all week, and I finally decided I just had to write to you. First, I want to thank you for allowing C.J. to join our family. We’re so eager and excited to meet him, and we love him already.

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Dear Birth Mothers,

Today I’ve been swept away in my own reflections of the events from the last two years surrounding our daughter’s adoption story just as I have been in so many moments and in so many days before.  I’ve been particularly stuck by the impact felt all because of one woman, one choice, one moment, one partnership and one amazing life. A loving, courageous, selfless, special, unique and remarkable woman I came to love who couldn’t be her baby’s mother but had all the love of every mother that I have ever known. 

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Dear Seth,

March 15, 1998 you became a part of your new family. This date holds so much more significance for me than your birthday, or mother’s day, or all the days you are in my heart and on my mind.

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Dear BraveLove,

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to work with a birth-mom throughout her labor, subsequent C-section and the two days she spent in the hospital with her sweet baby girl.  This mother was 19; this was her third child.  Her first child had been taken away by CPS.  She was parenting her second child and had just returned from a recovery facility in order to “be a better mother”.  She made an adoption plan for this (3rd) child because she “knew this was the best thing”.  She continually sited that she wanted to do what was right for her unborn child and the child she was currently parenting.  Rarely did she mention her own needs and/or desires.  As we sat in the OR while she had a C-section (I was in there because her family never showed up), I just kept thinking…this is brave. 

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To The Woman I Will Never Know,

When you looked and needed, and no help came, I had help. When abundant nourishment came easily to my body and soul, it didn’t come to you. Medicine and money and food and everything that makes a birth and a baby and family happen happily, was mine for the plucking. Not you; why not you?

There aren’t enough words to tell why not. I could ‘drain the ocean dry’ trying to pen those words.

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Dear (13 year old) Seth,

Today you are 13… a teenager! Wow…

I imagine what you’re like… What kind of young man you are becoming…

I remember being 13. I remember the highs and the lows. I remember the first boyfriend and the first kiss. I remember the awkwardness of wondering where I fit in. I remember trying to figure out who I was and more importantly who I wanted to become.

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Dear Precious Little One,

We haven’t met you yet and have no idea when you will join our family. But we trust God and know that He’ll bring you to us at the perfect time. We can’t wait to welcome you into our family with unconditional love.

I’ve prayed for you, thought of you, and dreamed of you a million times. Waiting is hard on this mommy. I’ve written letters to you in my head so many times, so I thought I should put one on paper in case you ever wonder.

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