I was adopted at birth, during a time where closed adoption was the norm. Throughout my adolescence I struggled with identity issues as well as undiagnosed mental health issues. I desperately wanted my birth mother to be a part of my life.
I had been given a picture and a letter, which helped ease my curiosity for a little while. I was a very good student and decided to study nursing in college. Unfortunately, I also had a habit of getting involved in toxic relationships and I had met my match when I was twenty years old. He introduced me to a lifestyle I was completely unprepared for. A couple years into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. Neither his family nor mine was willing to help us raise this baby. His mother put pressure on me to abort and I was kicked out of my house. I was determined to raise this baby.
I thought if I tried hard enough and worked hard enough I could give the baby the life he deserved.
I struggled with homelessness throughout my pregnancy and things took a turn for the worst. The birth father had started using hard drugs and became violent. Ultimately, I ended up in a domestic violence shelter, which gave me the stability I needed to take care of myself and find permanent housing, and I did. I gave birth on August 2nd, 2017 at 9:15pm. However, I had medical complications that left me in severe physical pain. I still struggled after discharge, but I pushed myself to care for my beautiful baby. Because of my underlying mental health issues, I ended up with postpartum depression. I lost custody of my sweet little boy and I was left with a decision. I could have allowed him to stay in the foster care system or I could place him for adoption and give him the life that he deserves to have. I was connected with an amazing family who always keeps me involved and has never judged anything that I have gone through.
