I found out I was pregnant when I was about five weeks along at the age of 19. That moment was one of the most devastating times for me, especially for any girl at age 19 who’s pregnant. I chose personally to not tell anyone because I knew I had decisions to juggle and decide on my own.
My story began right before I graduated high school in 2000 in a small town in Kansas.
I was 18. At the beginning of my life.
Not a day passes that I don’t think of the look on your face, as you prepared to place your 6 pound 9 ounce son in my arms, without knowing when you’d see him again. You did so knowing he would grow up calling me Mama.
In high school, I was a pretty good student and completely involved in extracurricular activities like choir, volunteerism, and other clubs and sports. Life was great on the educational and social front, but my home life was another story. Without getting into too much detail, I’ll just say that I started looking for love in all the wrong places and found myself pregnant in the winter of my senior year.
I was terrified. I thought about the girls at my school that were either made fun of for having babies in school or had already dropped out after getting pregnant. I thought about the behind-their-back whispers of girls who were thought to have had abortions. I was paralyzed with fear over what I would do, so I called the father and whispered to him that I was pregnant hoping and praying that he would stand by me and we would make it together. My imagination was way too generous. He ran away from the situation and me. I knew then that I wasn’t capable of being a good parent alone and I also knew that I didn’t want to have an abortion.
Like a lot of babies adopted in the 1970’s, the details of my beginnings were solely confined to a delicate sheet of paper on which were typed some basic facts about my biological family. “To be given to adoptive parents”, it read at the top.
My choice was not easy, but it was right, and I had to be brave for her."
- Jessica, birth mom
She’s walking, running, climbing, stumbling, giggling, and talking. Her curiosity has her mom and dad on their toes. Her laughter lights up every and any room. She’s so clumsy, she’s so silly, she’s so happy, she’s so LOVED.
My story starts Thanksgiving Eve 2002 in my aunt's bathroom looking at two pink lines.
I could not understand quite what it meant. I am 14…how did I become pregnant
Shane and I met in October of 2000. Fell in love and have been together ever since! We got married July 23, 2004. We knew we wanted to start a family shortly after getting married but quickly knew something wasn't right. I made an appointment with my OB-GYN who over the next several months ran tests and tried a few things but ultimately ended in surgery in December 2005. It was at my 2 week followup appointment after surgery that my doctor sat with me to explain that it was medically impossible for me to be able to conceive on my own.
It was devastating to say the least. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
“You are pregnant.”
I heard those three words at age 18 when I was just weeks into my freshman year of college. I was devastated. I was not ready to be a mom. I did not want to be a mom. I was so excited about my new life and future as a college student.