The sun beat me home tonight. As I trudged up the subway stairs and saw the sunrise, I knew it was much too late of a night.

Especially with church in the morning. A lady neighbor of mine and her sister, holding a cake, were also walking into my building. She said, "Happy Mother's Day, if you're a mom!" And I said, "Thank you. I appreciate that."

The smallest interaction, even from a stranger, can mean more than you realize. Mother's Day is always a tricky one for me. As I imagine it is for any birth mom without children of her own. I always feel like I'm half of a mother. Like I almost don't deserve this holiday.

At BraveLove, we're dedicated to erasing the stigmas of adoption, and a big part of that involves sharing stories that honor birth mothers. As we all know, adoption impacts people forever. The journey isn't over after the decision has been made. That's why we love to stay connected with those who have shared their stories with BraveLove over the years, like Miranda.

Miranda placed her daughter for adoption four years ago. She shared her story with BraveLove shortly after she placed (see here). Today we're catching up with her to see what life looks like four years later.

How would you describe yourself today?

I am in a really good place with lots of support.

What do your days look like?

I get up at 5am spend an hour with God, trying to give my day to God. I wake up my three children at 6am. (Tristin 10, Candon 8 and Raelynn 6) They get ready for school while my husband and I get ready for work. We send the kids off to the bus, and we head to work. I work at Cigna where I spend 8 hours of my day on the phone. At 4 pm I go home make dinner with my husband and help with homework and then get kids showered and in bed by 8pm.

I grew up in McKinney, Texas and I am a birth mom.  I first found out I was pregnant the day before my mom was to leave to Delaware forever. Scared was an understatement, seeing as how she's my only support system.

I immediately called my friend, who also placed a baby girl for adoption eleven years ago. I called her because I knew she could give me advice about ALL options and not just one. I did know that I already loved my baby more than anything else in the world, so every decision made from that point on was made completely out of love. I was twenty-one years old with nothing or no one to support me. So, I chose to place my child for adoption.

23 years, 5 months, 14 days, 19 hours, 57 minutes and 59 seconds ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was perfect but he wasn’t exactly mine. We made the most difficult, unselfish and brave decision of handing him over to his forever family. The heartbreak, pain and agony are very real. The kind of real that hurts your heart for the rest of your life.

My first contact with My Heather in Jan 2018: 

Heather,

My name is Theresa. In July of 1985, I placed a beautiful baby girl that was born in Indianapolis up for adoption. I have been looking for her for several years and praying that God would cross our paths. In October of this past year, I received a surprising message from her father, Tony S. We have been in contact with each other and in December he and his wife did a 23 & Me DNA test (as his wife is looking for her parents). He contacted me this evening saying that your name showed up on his list of relatives. As you can imagine, he and I are anxious/excited to reach out to you to see if maybe you are that baby girl. All we have known was her adoptive parents named her Heather Lynn, and we are not even sure that she knows that she was adopted. If you happen to be this Heather, please know we are in no way trying to disrupt your life. We are only looking to meet her someday. Please feel free to message me, text me or call me with any questions you may have. Thank you.

One word to describe how you felt the moment you discovered you were pregnant?

Ashamed

Why did you choose adoption?

I knew I would not be able to provide for my child what a mother and father together would be able to.

My name is Kelsey. I am 27 years old. In May of 2018 I found myself in jail...again...

With adoption as my option, I never considered how open it could be. In fact, my idea of “very open” wasn’t all that open at all. I never dreamed that my adoption would be where it is today.

It has, by far, exceeded the expectations of a scared and pregnant woman. I never imagined spending holidays with my birth daughters’ family, babysitting, or even taking family trips. But that is what my open adoption has become. It has gone from two families joining as one.

It has turned into my birth daughter’s mom becoming my best friend and my sister. We celebrate the highs and cry at the lows. In fact, it just does not feel like a normal day if her mom doesn’t text me.

Four. It’s a number that always sticks with me.

4 days.

Four days that I will never forget. I’ll never forget the pain, both mentally and physically. I’ll never forget the rush of hormones leaving my body, the unexplainable confusion, and the complete feeling of loneliness. Everything happened so fast that by the time I slowed down to take a breath, I had lived through the most painful, saddest, and darkest four days of my life.