I found out I was pregnant when I was about five weeks along at the age of 19. That moment was one of the most devastating times for me, especially for any girl at age 19 who’s pregnant. I chose personally to not tell anyone because I knew I had decisions to juggle and decide on my own.
I juggled these decisions, closing in on semester finals, for weeks. Yeah, I definitely considered abortion. As a 19-year-old college student who somehow had to tell my parents I was pregnant by a guy I slept with once, abortion was thought about more than once. I looked back on my life and how being placed in that adoption home in Russia and given the opportunity of a better life was the best thing that had ever happened to me thus far. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a parent, financially nor emotionally, so I started looking into adoption.
I saw hundreds and hundreds of couples, most unable to have children, and I knew that adoption was my final decision.
I told my parents the day after Christmas and, at this point, I was already about 2 months along. There was a lot of crying, but most of all there was so much love and support. I knew that wasn’t easy for them to hear and it hurt telling them. Through the entire pregnancy, I had the strongest support team standing beside me. After months and months of looking and interviewing couples all over the country, I finally chose a wonderful couple that live in Wisconsin. They are in their 30s and are unable to have children. With the help of God and my parents, I knew they were the perfect couple for my baby. We talked throughout the rest of the pregnancy and, of course, through all the legal stuff. I would give them picture updates and ultrasounds and that was the start of a really strong extended family relationship. We had discussed how we both wanted this to be an open adoption and the adoptive mom decided on the idea of an online blog, where she can post pictures and video updates for us to see throughout his life. I went into labor the morning of July 23rd and after 9 hours of labor, had a beautiful perfect baby boy named Jacob Christopher. The adoptive parents weren’t there yet, so me and my parents had a couple hours to enjoy this brand new baby that I had just given life to. We held him and he just stared up at us with total awe, didn’t cry not once. He was just taking it all in and I will never forget that moment I held him for the first time and he looked up at me and wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. And, yes in that very moment I fell in love.
I knew exactly what love was, and I knew that this was about to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do.
The parents got there and I handed him over to the mother for the first time and that was when I realized I had made the right decision, however hard it might be. Two days after Jacob was born, we attended his baptism and had a wonderful afternoon spent with the parents and Jacob up at my parent’s house. Today, this wonderful family has also adopted another little boy (who they have asked us and we have gladly accepted to step in as his “birth family” seeing as his adoption was closed) almost exactly a year after Jacob was born. His name is Timmy and we now also get to see him grow up into a beautiful little guy. We also just got news that they have been chosen as parents for yet another little boy due next month. Seeing all of their blog posts has got to be one of the biggest helps in coping with this adoption. My parents and I look forward to seeing the new update every week and it brings tears of happiness to my eyes seeing how happy and alive he is. They tell Jacob about Mama Miriam and Grandma and Grandpa every single night and to know that I will always have that relationship with him is so powerful.
They asked him not too long ago what he will say to me next time he sees me and
he simply said “love”.
I could never have asked for a better family for my child to be raised, loved and cared for. I am eternally grateful for how gracious and wonderful they have been with updates and keeping us constantly connected to Jacob and Timmy. About 3 weeks after I gave birth to Jacob, I moved to another town to complete my college career and I am now a recent graduate with a bachelor’s degree in agricultural business and am currently pursuing my certification as a Pest Control Adviser (PCA). I am doing it all for Jacob️. Remember, God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. This experience has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. It’s still hard every single day. There isn’t a single moment where I don’t miss Jacob more than anything, but all it takes is one look at his beautiful smile and the fact that he’s healthy and happy and so so loved, makes it all alright. That’s something you can’t get when you choose abortion.