I have written to you once before. It was the day your adoptive family came to take you home. I was 15 at the time, and lost in my feelings.
I knew as soon as I handed the envelope over my mess of emotion would be read as immature and unwelcome. I am happy to be getting this second chance.
I found out I was pregnant at age 14, after only dating your birth father for a short few months. It was tough for everyone else but me to hear the news. I didn't cry but one single tear because I think I knew deep down, no matter how hard this was going to be for me, you were a blessing regardless. Nine months passed by quickly. It was full of ups and downs. My parents, your grandparents, were always pushing for adoption. But having been adopted myself, I never wanted that for my first born. I thought Myles and I could work it out. I thought we might be able to pull this parenting thing off. But as your due date drew closer and closer, he kept proving to me he wasn't ready. I wanted the absolute best for you.
So I decided to meet with a couple adoptive families, but the second family we met, we loved. We knew they were going to be the perfect parents for you. They had already adopted a little girl, and their history reminded me so much of my family's. We then decided to go ahead with adoption.
But around the 15th of December, only a short month until your arrival, I decided I couldn't go through with it without at least trying to parent. So January 23rd, 2011, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. We took you home a week later and I had a wonderful three weeks at home with you. You made my days bright, you filled my heart with joy.
But being a single parent is hard, and it feels 10x harder at that age with no job and 3 years of high school left. Myles wasn't in the picture then and I still wanted to give you everything I couldn't. So we called Brian and Michelle and let them know they would be taking home little Joey Rhae within the next week.
It was the hardest day of my life. I never wanted to let you go. I hope as you grow and learn more about this, you never feel like we chose this for you because we didn't care enough. We chose this because we cared too much. We will always love you. You are my favorite little lady. Each time I see you, I am so proud of how smart you are and how much you've grown. You're my little mini me. So shy but personable, you are my world, little one. Never forget how many people love you.
Your birth mother, Eva