Today, I am raising my own children, and motherhood after trauma has been one of the most healing and emotional experiences of my life. Becoming a mother while carrying the perspective of both an adoptee and a birth mother changed the way I parent. I understand how sacred attachment is. I understand how important emotional safety is. I understand how deeply children need to feel seen, heard, protected, and loved for exactly who they are.
There are moments with my children that heal parts of me I didn’t even realize were still wounded. Watching them grow, comforting them when they cry, hearing them laugh, holding them close — all of those ordinary moments feel extraordinary to me because I know how fragile life and family can be. Motherhood taught me that love is not just a feeling. It is consistency. Presence. Protection. Sacrifice. Patience. Showing up over and over again.
At the same time, raising my children has also deepened my empathy for every person touched by adoption. I understand the fierce love of a mother in a way I never could before. I understand the pain behind impossible decisions. I understand how trauma impacts families for generations if it is not acknowledged and supported.
Working in the mental health field has further deepened my understanding of trauma, attachment, grief, and resilience. My personal experiences have given me a level of empathy that cannot be taught in textbooks. I understand what it feels like to sit with overwhelming pain. I understand survival mode. I understand anxiety, fear, grief, and emotional exhaustion. I understand what it means to feel unseen while silently carrying enormous emotional weight.
Because of my experiences, I approach others with compassion instead of judgment. I know that behind many decisions, behaviors, and struggles are stories people may never speak aloud. Pain changes people. Trauma changes people. But compassion can help people heal.
One of the biggest things my life has taught me is that healing is not linear. There are still moments where grief catches me unexpectedly. There are still parts of adoption that feel painful. There are still memories from domestic violence that surface at times. Trauma leaves fingerprints on a person. But I have also learned that pain and healing can exist together. You can carry scars and still build a beautiful life.
Adoption is not simple.
Trauma is not simple.
Motherhood is not simple.
Healing is not simple.
But there is beauty in surviving. There is beauty in continuing to love after your heart has been broken. There is beauty in choosing softness after life has hardened you. There is beauty in becoming the safe place you once needed yourself.
My story is not one of perfection. It is one of survival, grief, resilience, motherhood, healing, and love. Adoption has touched every stage of my life in ways I never could have imagined. It shaped me as a child. It shaped me as a mother. It shaped the way I view people, relationships, trauma, and healing.
Most importantly, it taught me empathy.
I share my story because there are so many people silently carrying similar pain. There are adoptees wondering why they feel grief even inside love. There are birth mothers carrying invisible heartbreak. There are women trapped in abusive situations believing they are alone. There are mothers trying to heal while raising children and breaking generational cycles at the same time.
I want those people to know that their pain does not define them.
Surviving difficult chapters does not make someone unworthy.
Trauma does not erase love.
Grief does not erase strength.
And brokenness does not mean a person cannot heal.
My life is proof that even after immense loss, people are still capable of creating love, safety, healing, and purpose. Some of the deepest wounds in my life eventually became the places where compassion grew the strongest.
And although adoption has brought unimaginable grief into my life at times, it has also taught me the depth of human love, sacrifice, resilience, and hope.
And sometimes the stories that break us open the most are the same stories that allow us to help heal others.
That is the story I carry with me every day.
Continue Kaylie's Story: Read Part One of Kaylie's Story or Part Two of Kaylie's Story.
