Most people generally know me as a hard-working, single mother with one son. Most people don't know I have two.
I was being a parent in making the decision I wasn't able to care for my youngest the way I do for my oldest. I was so torn when I found out I was pregnant; I was already 6 months along.
I knew I would not be able to provide for my unborn like I am able to for my youngest and that's why I chose adoption.
When the agency gave me books of families to look through, I was immediately drawn to them. When I saw Heidi's pictures I knew right away she and Andy were perfect. I said, “this is it” right away. They advised me to take a few days; however, I looked at the book about a thousand times and my son kept playing with their book. There was no doubt in my mind and my heart — they were it.
The day I went into labor, Heidi and I sat in the room waiting for everyone to leave so we could actually talk. It was really important for me to have her there with me to share in the birthing experience. She was ecstatic, but I was more ecstatic for her to meet our son. She helped me give birth and was able to see the baby right away. It was really important to me that she had that bonding time with him.
Of course, I felt bad, horrible, and devastated when I left. I didn't lose a son, but I gained a whole family. Heidi and Andy have welcomed me and my other son and have never judged me. I'm lucky to have them and their family. I love them very much. Even though I'm not with him every day, he still knows who I am. I loved him enough to make the right decision for him.
My greatest wish for birth moms is that they have the confidence to believe in themselves. Just because they made the decision to place for adoption, it was still a parental decision, and in no way should they feel bad about themselves. I truly appreciate BraveLove for creating this site that sends such a positive outlook on the whole adoption experience. Thank you again for allowing me to be heard.