At BraveLove, we believe birth mothers’ voices matter—not only in sharing their stories, but in shaping how adoption is understood and supported over time.
We are honored to spotlight Leah Outten and Raquel McCloud, birth mothers and co-founders of The Ampersand Initiative. Through their work, Leah and Raquel create space for the both/and of adoption—holding love and loss, grief and growth, truth and hope together.
We invited them to share their passion, hopes, and the heart behind their shared work. Take it away ladies....
Q: Can you each briefly introduce yourselves and share a little about your adoption stories?
Leah: I placed my oldest daughter, Kaylee, 21 years ago when I was 16 years old. I wrestled with my decision for months but as time was running out, around 7 months pregnant, I felt at peace with choosing adoption to give her a stable start to life while still being present through our open adoption relationship. We have maintained our commitments throughout her life, functioning much like extended family.
*You can watch Leah's story here.
Raquel: I was only fourteen years old when I discovered I was pregnant. Soon after, my caregivers transferred guardianship and I was given the ultimatum to make an adoption plan or leave the house I had just arrived at with no place to go. Without the safety or support necessary to parent I chose a couple from the options the agency provided and spent the next few years surviving an abusive home, wondering if I’d ever get to see my daughter again.Nine years post placement, my firstborn’s parents requested a visit at the prompting from our daughter. We’ve been fortunate to cultivate and maintain a beautiful relationship ever since.
Q: The Ampersand Initiative is rooted in the idea of holding “both/and” truths. What does the ampersand represent to you personally as birth mothers?
Leah: To me, “both/and” is validation. It’s acknowledging that two truths can be held at once instead of feeling shame for feeling one or the other. We can acknowledge the grief that comes with adoption, while also celebrating the beautiful parts. I’m grateful that my support system allowed this mentality through my placement, and now it’s a privilege to support other women to find freedom in the duality, too.
Raquel: The concept of The Ampersand Initiative was born from a passionate belief that grief and gratitude can co-exist…a concept that resonated with the last birthmom retreat attendees so deeply we ended up in a tattoo shop getting 12 different versions of an ampersand tattoo! Before our reunion I spent a lot of time constructing different realities, wishing things could have been different but I was able to hold space for gratitude in acknowledging how adoption enabled my firstborn to grow up in a safe and stable environment, something I couldn’t have offered her. I think intentionally making space for the “and” of it all helped keep me grounded and able to move forward instead of staying stuck in my grief.
Q: What led you to create The Ampersand Initiative together, and what need were you hoping to address?
Raquel: Leah and I met online, as one does these days, and ended up at a few conferences together. We quickly realized we got along well, worked well together, and even shared a lot of the same passions for what we were hoping to build within the community…but it was still deeper than that…we felt like kindred spirits. Sometime in March of 2025 we were sitting at my kitchen table around 3am discussing dreams that were much too big for us to tackle individually, and that moment became the start of The Ampersand Initiative. .
Leah: Together we hope to fill some gaps that we’ve experienced, especially years after placement and being a mom to parented children, as being a birth mother has shaped many parts of our lives. There is so much more to the humanity of a birth mom! Because of Raquel's variety of perspectives in kinship care and as an adoptive mom, along with our passion to educate adoptive parents, we also dreamed of creating resources for healthier adoption relationships.
Q: How has your work through The Ampersand Initiative shaped or influenced your own healing and growth?
Leah: I feel like healing can never fully be achieved, we may never “arrive” on this side of Heaven, but we do keep growing! While I have had 21 plus years of processing and doing the work to heal in counseling, at other retreats, groups, etc, there are always more layers of the onion to peel back. Last May’s birth mom retreat, while I helped teach what I’ve learned through the years to help others, I also left with more tools to use at home. For me, my childhood and teenage traumas stunted the little girl in me, the playful side, the side seeking wonder and joy in life, but also as a mom. I left knowing how to embrace the freedom to intentionally seek out moments to play–which has benefited my family life too!
Raquel: Oh man, where do I start. I thought we were building something I wish I had had when I was younger only to realize I never outgrew those needs. And yet, as ironic as it sounds, I feel most fulfilled and centered when my focus shifts from myself to others. Using my lived experience to help build needed resources is healing … cultivating a community (that I get to be a part of) for women who “get it” is healing … finding purpose in my pain has been healing … I got a tattoo nearly twenty years ago that says, “No tear was in vain, they have all become my testimony.” and that feels fitting.
Q: Why is it important to create spaces where birth mothers don’t feel pressure to minimize their grief or simplify their stories?
Leah: We have seen in our intimate retreat settings just how powerful that acknowledgment of grief is, to know they aren’t alone in their feelings, because many birth moms aren’t given that opportunity walking through their adoptions. At the same time, it’s important to create safe spaces where there is celebration for one another’s stories when things are going well or in joyful ways. Many times, myself included, birth moms may feel like we need to stay quiet because we have a positive experience to only make space for the grief. We need safe spaces for both.
Raquel: Leah introduced me to the term "disenfranchised grief” and I can’t think of another phrase that has felt more fitting to the emotions I’ve processed as a birthmom. Unfortunately, most of us have been expected to quickly and quietly move on from something our bodies register as a traumatic experience, or at the very least, a loss. It’s hard to heal from something we can’t acknowledge exists, ya know what I mean? But it’s also difficult for folks who haven’t experienced this unique grief to help walk us through it. Empathy is great, but in my experience, relatability is paramount in healing.
Q: Tell us about your upcoming retreat!
Raquel: This will be the second retreat that is exclusive to birthmoms only (but the third retreat we’ve hosted)! We have several returning mamas, several new mamas, and a few open spots left. The foundation of these retreats is holistic healing so we are super intentional about the food and snacks we provide, the proximity to nature, the emphasis on play and creativity, the space for rest…no detail has been overlooked. We want to nurture an environment that feels more like a long weekend at a good friend’s vacation home than an awkward or stiff event. This one will be in Hurricane, Utah about 45 minutes outside of Zion National Park. While we work in some nature based activities during the retreat we save the more strenuous adventures for after checkout, but everyone's invited!
www.theampersandinitiative.com/the-resilient-retreat
Q: If you could share one message with a birth mom, what would you want her to know?
Raquel: This journey can feel isolating but we need you to know you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of us willing to hold space for your grief, celebrate your joy, and encourage you to hold fast to hope while you walk towards healing.
Leah: I want birth moms to know that there is hope–healing is possible. Discovering joy again is possible, no matter your story.. And, that’s easier to do in a community to help lift you up along the way!
Q: How can birth moms connect with you?
Check out The Ampersand initiative by visiting:
theampersandinitiative.com
You can find them on:
Facebook and Instagram.
You can also find Leah and Raquel on their personal pages below.
Leah - Instagram and Facebook
Raquel - Instagram
