I hate secrets and surprises. I always have. I attribute this to being a curious person, but on an extreme level. And, even that can be attributed, or at least partially due, to growing up never knowing where I came from, but rather where I ended up.

It’s very possible that my intense curiosity or “the need to know” stems from personality traits that I was born with that were only exacerbated by environmental factors and or personality traits I developed because of environmental factors—being adopted through a closed adoption and the loss of biological connections.

Growing up, I wanted to know who my birth mother was. I wanted to know what she looked like. However, either no one knew who my birth mother was or those that may know couldn’t tell me because it was against the law—such as the attorney that helped my parents adopt me or the doctor who delivered me and who took me home briefly before I was adopted.

"You were ahead of your time and I’ve never held anger toward you." - Paige

When did you learn you were adopted?

I have always known. My parents never hid that info from me. I’m very glad I never had to experience an “Ah-ha” or an “Oh no!” moment. I feel bad for any adoptee who found out this truth unexpectedly.

Do you recall how your parents explained why you were adopted?

I believe they told me what the welfare agency told them. It was not the full truth, but my parents never lied on purpose. In stages, as was age appropriate, they told me that my birth mother married my birth father but she was too young, and her grandmother broke up their marriage. They’d had a baby (me), and since the marriage ended, I could not stay with either of my birth parents. My birth mother was only 17.

When did you learn you were adopted?

My parents told me from the time I was very young. I don’t ever remember not knowing, just growing in my understanding of what it meant.

Do you recall how your parent(s) explained why you were adopted?

They told me they really wanted me, that they chose me, they joked that that they were “stuck” with my brother (their biological child), but they picked me special, as well as my other brother who was also adopted (not my biological brother). When I learned about the birds and the bees, I began to understand more that another person was my “birth-mother.” I have prayed for her over the years, and that she would be reassured that I am alive and well.

I want you to read this with an open heart and open mind. It may very well challenge you. My hope is that it will inspire and encourage you more. It is written from my heart to yours. It is my perspective as an adoptee and birth mother. It is not meant to be an attack or judgment on anyone. For we all make up this triangle and we need each other and each other’s voices to make it better. We all want the same thing. To be loved. To be heard. To be honored.

I was adopted by two great parents who took me to southern New Jersey where I have lived a great life.

The adoption agency was in Pennsylvania so I feel like the luckiest person in the world because by moving to New Jersey I received an amazing education, a great family that includes my adopted older brother and my adopted younger sister and I am fortunate enough to still be in touch on a regular basis with dozens of friends that I consider family! Adoption gave me an amazing life that I appreciate and thank God for everyday! Who knows where I would be if Joe and Joan didn't adopt me!

I love you dad and I miss you mom and I love you too!

I'm writing this because writing a letter is what changed my life. 

26 years ago, I came into the world, four months early, to a woman who was in no way ready to be a mother. Her life choices and decisions left her unable to parent her children, however, that's just the beginning of the story…

We can acknowledge the love and bravery surrounding adoption. But sometimes it's easy to forget (or even easier to gloss over) the realities that adoption can be hard, complicated, and even messy for those involved. So we set out to do that with our latest video project - ask some of the hard questions and be prepared for some honest responses. Watch this short clip of what's to come:

Behind the scenes our latest video: (un)Wanted

The inspiration behind this video's concept came from an interview we had a few years ago with a New York Times bestselling-author, Patti Callahan Henry. At the time, Patti had just published a fictional book about adoption, And Then I Found You, which was inspired by her sister's life. Her sister had placed a child for adoption over 20 years ago and recently reunited with her daughter through Facebook. We interviewed Patti about the book, and to this day, these comments stuck with us: