With adoption as my option, I never considered how open it could be. In fact, my idea of “very open” wasn’t all that open at all. I never dreamed that my adoption would be where it is today.

It has, by far, exceeded the expectations of a scared and pregnant woman. I never imagined spending holidays with my birth daughters’ family, babysitting, or even taking family trips. But that is what my open adoption has become. It has gone from two families joining as one.

It has turned into my birth daughter’s mom becoming my best friend and my sister. We celebrate the highs and cry at the lows. In fact, it just does not feel like a normal day if her mom doesn’t text me.

Four. It’s a number that always sticks with me.

4 days.

Four days that I will never forget. I’ll never forget the pain, both mentally and physically. I’ll never forget the rush of hormones leaving my body, the unexplainable confusion, and the complete feeling of loneliness. Everything happened so fast that by the time I slowed down to take a breath, I had lived through the most painful, saddest, and darkest four days of my life.

When I placed my daughter for adoption twenty years ago, open adoption wasn't really discussed as a preferred option, and I didn't even know of anyone who had experienced adoption in that way.

It never crossed my mind that it was a possibility.  I received pictures of my birth daughter for the first few years from her mom, not because we had an open adoption, but simply because her mom is an incredibly kind, loving, and thoughtful woman. 

Meet Shelbi! She's one of our newest contributors to the Being A Birth Mom column...

Hello, my name is Shelbi! Ever since becoming a birth mother, my entire life has changed! Adoption and being a birth mother is something that I am VERY passionate about!

Open adoption can feel like a strange relationship, and it’s a lot of work. During my pregnancy, I met with the adoptive couple monthly. Each time, we shared a meal and stories and got to know one another.

Throughout these monthly meetings, I grew to love this couple. I picked them to raise my baby, how could I not have love for them? I was sharing one of the most troubling times of my life with them, so of course, we grew close to one another. But were we friends? It felt like it, but I didn’t really know.

Meet Kelsey! She's a friend of BraveLove's, a champion for birth moms and our newest contributor to the Being A Birth Mom column...

Hello ladies! My name is Kelsey. I am from Northern Indiana and I placed my son nearly 2 years ago. I am the Adoption Outreach Coordinator at Adoption Support Center, an adoption agency in Indianapolis, Indiana. 

Most people are very cautious to date women that have children because it’s an added responsibility, especially if you’re in your early twenties.

Most of the time you want to date a girl first, then build a life with her before you introduce children into the mix. Being a birth mother, one would think this is no big deal to date/tell your boyfriend because you don’t actually physically have your child to take care of. What’s the big deal?

I have been a birth mom for 21 years and navigating what that journey looks like ever since.

For a season, I didn’t share my journey, it was mine, and honestly, it was very personal. I didn’t want to invite anyone else into it; kind of like a kid with candy! I wanted to keep all the good stuff for myself.

Meet Angela! She's a long time friend of BraveLove's and one of our newest contributors to the Being A Birth Mom column...

Hello! My name is Angela and birth mom is just one of the titles I hold, but it is one of them I cherish the most. I placed my daughter for adoption in 1996 when I was just 17 years old.

Joy and pain being ever present at any given time. Of course, when I think about things for any length of time, I tend to see them in view of adoption.

There is no moment in life that I can think of where joy and grief are more present (in an all-out battle, if you will) than during an adoption.