Today I’ve been swept away in my own reflections of the events from the last two years surrounding our daughter’s adoption story just as I have been in so many moments and in so many days before.  I’ve been particularly stuck by the impact felt all because of one woman, one choice, one moment, one partnership and one amazing life. A loving, courageous, selfless, special, unique and remarkable woman I came to love who couldn’t be her baby’s mother but had all the love of every mother that I have ever known. 

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to work with a birth-mom throughout her labor, subsequent C-section and the two days she spent in the hospital with her sweet baby girl.  This mother was 19; this was her third child.  Her first child had been taken away by CPS.  She was parenting her second child and had just returned from a recovery facility in order to “be a better mother”.  She made an adoption plan for this (3rd) child because she “knew this was the best thing”.  She continually sited that she wanted to do what was right for her unborn child and the child she was currently parenting.  Rarely did she mention her own needs and/or desires.  As we sat in the OR while she had a C-section (I was in there because her family never showed up), I just kept thinking…this is brave. 

I was yours for three days in the hospital and then my adoptive parents took me into their arms. You chose my parents to take me because you thought they were wonderful and caring people; I want to tell you that you’re right. They taught me patience and gave me a sense of wonder and love that can only come from a mother that could not keep her baby and a woman that wanted a baby so badly, that she picked me. You are the strongest woman I know and I strive to make you proud daily.

Love Always, Lauren

You didn’t give us much notice - just a few hours to get in the car, try not to break the speed limit, and drive to the hospital to meet our baby boy — but WOW did you give us a gift. Now, five months later, we have a roly-poly, feet-obsessed, smiley little baby boy. He is the light of our lives.

You’ve been on my heart all week, and I finally decided I just had to write to you. First, I want to thank you for allowing C.J. to join our family. We’re so eager and excited to meet him, and we love him already.

Almost 22 years ago, I fell in love with you, and the love has never waivered. When I found out that I was pregnant with you, my first thought was pure joy. I had always wanted to be a mother, and I saw you as nothing but a gift. I wasn’t a teenager, and I had a loving family. Unfortunately, circumstances changed for me. I come from a very old fashioned, Southern family, and they were embarrassed by the fact that I was pregnant and not married. Also, the times were different 20 something years ago, and I lost my job because of my pregnancy. Your birth father took himself out of the picture very early on, and I was totally alone. Deciding to place you for adoption was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but it was the best one for you.

March 15, 1998 you became a part of your new family. This date holds so much more significance for me than your birthday, or mother’s day, or all the days you are in my heart and on my mind.

Today you are 13… a teenager! Wow…

I imagine what you’re like… What kind of young man you are becoming…

I remember being 13. I remember the highs and the lows. I remember the first boyfriend and the first kiss. I remember the awkwardness of wondering where I fit in. I remember trying to figure out who I was and more importantly who I wanted to become.

I want to say thank you for allowing us to adopt Vika into our family.  It was not an easy decision for you to make and I want you to know that we will love and care for her like she is our own.  She is a very special and capable little girl.  I too found out that my first child, a little girl, had Down syndrome when she was born. It was a very scary time for me and I do not blame you for your decision. 

We haven’t met you yet and have no idea when you will join our family. But we trust God and know that He’ll bring you to us at the perfect time. We can’t wait to welcome you into our family with unconditional love.

I’ve prayed for you, thought of you, and dreamed of you a million times. Waiting is hard on this mommy. I’ve written letters to you in my head so many times, so I thought I should put one on paper in case you ever wonder.