A Good and Hard Decision: Malynn's Story

On December 14th, 2020 I found out I was pregnant. I found out only a few weeks after having a memorial service of my boyfriend at the time. He had passed away and, a few weeks later, I found out I was 5 months pregnant.

To say I was in denial that it was a possibility is an understatement. I was 17 at the time. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do. I remember looking at my Mom saying, “I want it out.” After a few days we started discussing the options and adoption sounded like the best route.

I had never heard of open adoption before, but it sounded pretty great.

I was lucky enough to meet with this young couple who had two biological children of their own. I really admired how important it is to their family to learn and understand emotional awareness. I met with them for the first time in person in March. I told the soon to be adoptive mom I don’t see this adoption going another way. On April 14th, 2021, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

The days in the hospital were the hardest days I’ve ever encountered. I had let the soon to be adoptive couple take him for a few hours so I could rest, in that time I was shaking and crying and could not sleep because my baby was not with me. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to go through with this plan,

I felt like my heart was being stabbed a million times, the gut wrenching feeling in my stomach of leaving him tore me apart.

I went home empty handed, knowing that I had made the home of a young family feel complete.

Knowing that I made a good decision, but that did not make it any less hard. 

The days after I felt like nothing, I felt empty, and the only thing I knew was that my body was hurting and my heart felt like it was sinking. I knew my son was okay, he was safe, but I felt like I had lost him. The pain, shock, and heartache I felt on the day I handed him over to his forever family, was the worst and I do not wish it upon anyone.

I hope one day my birth son will understand my decision and be grateful for the heart-wrenching decision I made to make his life better.

I hope one day he will ask me about his birth father and what he was like before he passed away. I hope I can continue to be there for my birth son when his adoptive parents invite me to be. I watch him grow from a distance and I love him from a distance, but I hope he knows he is loved by so many people and he is a special little boy. He is now 2 years old and I was able to go to his 2nd birthday. I can’t wait to see him grow up and live his life with everything he could want and more!

Have you been impacted by adoption like Malynn? 
If so, we want to hear from you.