A new year & 10 things every birth mother wants adoptive parents to know

blog_hello_2014_v3.JPGTime really does fly. We can hardly believe that 2013 has come and gone. As we enter 2014, here are some of our hopes and resolutions for the year ahead plus one of our favorite articles to date. In 2014, we hope to...

- Get to know more birth parents: You are the inspiration behind this movement, and we love your input, opinions and stories. We hosted a few birth mother dinners last year and plan to host more in 2014. (January dinner date to be announced soon!) If you’re a birth parent, we’d love to hear from you. 
- Share more stories: We never tire of reading, watching, listening to the stories. They’re personal and unique, and we believe that through these stories our society will begin to talk about adoption and birth moms a little differently. Send us your story if you’ve been touched by adoption.
- Provide more resources on BraveLove.org: We aim for BraveLove.org to become a clearinghouse of adoption information. Therefore, we’re committed to providing accurate and reliable information. We’ve listed credible adoption agencies and we hope to expand this list and along with other helpful resources this year. If you are an adoption agency and want to be listed as a resource, contact us today.

Enough about us… We had to share this article that’s been circulating the world wide web. So far, it’s one of our favorites of the year. Patricia Dischler is an author, speaker, child care professional and birth mother, and here's an excerpt from “10 Things Every Birth Mother Wants Adoptive Parents to Know":

"I often told my son’s adoptive mother how much I loved her and was thankful she was a part of my life. But, like many things I’ve told her over the years, Kathy would already know. Back in 1985 I chose open adoption for my son. Being a birthmother has changed my life forever, and I know that becoming an adoptive parent changed Kathy’s too. We’ve traveled the road of adoption together, with respect and honesty. We’ve shared our hopes, our fears and our dreams for the boy we both love.

However, often adoptive parents do not get the chance to build this type of relationship with their child’s birthmother. While most domestic adoptions are open, most children adopted from other countries are not. This disconnect from a child’s beginnings can make it difficult for adoptive parents to provide answers their child will need as they grow and explore the issue of being adopted.

While a birthmother’s experience after placement may be different in open versus closed adoptions, the process leading to the choice of adoption is much more likely to follow the same thread – love. Regardless of our place on this planet, birthmother’s share the journey of facing a decision in a pregnancy and letting our love for our child lead the way. The individual circumstances may be very different from culture to culture, but ultimately we come to a place where we feel that what is best for our child is to have a life different than what we can provide and we choose adoption.

There are 10 things every birthmother thinks about, wishes for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already, if not, they are important to know. They are:

  • I did not place my child because she was “unwanted.” I wanted her so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.

  • I chose adoption because I loved my child. This parental love allowed me to put his needs before my own when making my choice.

  • This choice affected more than just me. She has a Grandmother, a Grandfather, and Aunts and Uncles who love her as well, and she will be missed.

  • I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes and tell him I love him one more time.

  • I hope that you will teach my child about her beginnings – about where she was born and who I am.

  • I hope you will teach respect to my child by showing respect for me in your discussions.

  • I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption, but I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.

  • I will never stop thinking about my child. She will always be a part of who I am.

  • I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you. I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it – including me.

  • In my eyes, you will always be my child’s Mom and Dad. And that thought brings me happiness.

My son’s mother wrote to me in her first letter: 'Children are never really ours, they are just entrusted to us for a time by God.' As birthmothers, we take our short time with our child very seriously, and it affects us the rest of our lives. We place that final kiss on our baby’s forehead and pass them forward to your waiting arms because we know you will be taking it very seriously too."

Source: Adoption Learning Partners

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