Hi friends! My name is Nicole! I grew up in McKinney, Texas and I am a birth mom. I first found out I was pregnant the day before my mom was to leave to Delaware forever. Scared was an understatement, seeing as how she's my only support system.
I immediately called my friend Mercedes, who also placed a baby girl eleven years ago. I called her because I knew she could give me advice about ALL options and not just one. I did know that I already loved my baby more than anything else in the world, so every decision made from that point on was made completely out of love. I was 21 years old with nothing or no one to support me. So, I chose to place my child for adoption.
I matched with my son’s parents, Tim and Ashley, the week before Christmas! (Talk about something to celebrate!) I faced the holidays alone knowing that in just a few weeks, I'd be going through the hardest time of my entire life. That's a tough thing to go through and I really don't think the holidays will ever really be the same.
The next few weeks flew by and I had my beautiful baby boy Maddox Moses at 9:36 pm on February 7, 2017. Ashley was by my side the whole delivery. Tim got to come in and cut the cord too. We all were officially family. They were by my side the whole time of the hospital stay. I took care of Moses during the day, and they kept him at night so they could bond with him as well. That was able to work because I breast fed during the day and at night we would supplement with bottle feeding. It was honestly a beautiful experience that I would do over again if I had to.
The night I had to relinquish my rights was a super rough one. I was a mess.
I held Moses the whole time I had to sign the papers, and look down at him to remind myself of why I was doing this and that it's not goodbye. I knew that, but in the moment, every one of those good thoughts goes out of the window. I always knew that this would be the start of something so beautiful, so much bigger than myself, and that's what gave me the strength to sign every one of those papers with confidence.
They live in Austin, and I live in Dallas so when they left, it was hard. I knew I wouldn't see them for a few weeks but when I did, it was so much different than I expected! Nothing but love and support from both sides. August was finalization month. A hard month for birth moms. They had to come to Dallas and of course I was there. Tim and Ashley were there during his birth, so I needed to be there for finalization. Another very important day for him. We have all said that we would all be there for important days of our lives. Sometimes it's harder than other days, but it's worth it in the end to say "I was there for it." So, Moses knows how much we all love him.
The hardest time I've had since having the title "birth mom" is when people ask me if I have kids. When you're a birth mom, this question is SO big. Yes, I do have a son but no, I'm not raising him. This brings up adoption. All the stigmas, all the judgmental thoughts of "oh she gave up her baby," "oh she doesn't love her baby," when in fact, all of this is so wrong. I love my baby more than I love myself. I had to give him the life he deserves. How could I be selfish? He deserves the world and so much more. Everyone says they would do anything for their child, but very few have to actually prove that. Birth mothers have to make this choice over and over again.
On May 11, 2017, I went to a BraveLove birth mom dinner and it changed my life...
You don't really realize that there's very few people you can talk to about the feelings you go through when you're having a hard day coping with the choice you made. That's when you turn to your sisters because they get it! They know the struggle without you having to explain it.
BraveLove has helped me connect with other mamas who walk this same path as me. It's an organization here for the birth mothers, to get them through tough times, to connect them with other birth moms, and tools to help us all break the stereotype of birth parents.
Moses is now 7 months old! He's such a happy baby. He's always happy screaming and loves to laugh! He loves his whole family that I hand-picked for him. Tim and Ashley always send me pictures and videos of him and his sister and that's probably my favorite part. He loves her so much and that makes this all worth it. My open adoption is very rare. We text, call, and FaceTime whenever we want to. We didn't make an "agreement of contact" because we simply didn't need to. Tim and Ashley have made me feel like any other member of their family and I know nothing will come before that. Tim is the best dad around and Ashley is the mother I wish I could've been. Both very present in his day to day life. Life is so much better with all of them in it. Adoption isn't a bad option. I'm now here to share my story and show the beautiful side of things, and that all the hard parts are so worth it. John 15:13
Nicole was introduced to BraveLove YEAR 4 when she attended a birth mom dinner in Dallas, TX and as she said, 'it changed my life.'