May 17th, 2017 & Dec 11th, 2020. Those two days changed me and changed two families forever.
I gave birth by c-section, to two beautiful baby boys, one on each of those days. They are full siblings, and come from two people who fell in love at first sight but not all of us are meant or equipped to be parents. I love my boys and would die for them, but it doesn't mean they're mine. They're "ours", hers and mine.
She's the woman who tucks them in, she's the one they call mama, she's the one who will cry along with them when they're hurt or sad. She's the woman I admire most in this world. She is their Mom. She's not they're adoptive mom, just mom.
I'm their "Tummy Mummy" and they have/will grow up knowing who carried them, who brought them into the world so they could be with their mom, the person I believe was always meant to raise them and to love them. I've made some really poor choices but carrying them, delivering them was an honor and I'm so confident that if I only ever made two good decisions, those were to place them with their mom and family.
I grieved horribly, both times. The second time, I wanted to lay down and never wake up. The loss of his body in my belly, the loss of his movements was unimaginable unless you've been in my spot. Now nearly seven weeks later, I'm back to me but I still cry for them both.
She is what makes the difference. The pictures, the emails are my salvation and I was never religious but if there is a god, he sent her my way and vice versa. Adoption isn't always beautiful, it's hard and devastating! But my boys deserved to be loved and my grief proves that they always were! And so does yours. You are a beautiful person for recognizing your child may need more than you can provide and it's not goodbye. It's "see you later Alligator"!
To ALL birth moms....you got this! And if you need some help, WE GOT YOU! All my love mama bears!